Saturday.... pretty nice little warm up. I'm visiting in St. Lous, staying at the Westport Chalet- Sheraton. Pretty sweet little hotel!
Some days sleeping in is such a privilege. Sipping coffee and not having a care in the world. The best part of being in a hotel... ZERO obligation for doing anything.
Another bonus....no fridge or pantry to stalk when you THINK you are hungry.
I did manage to pack my "food bag" Carefully laying out off my Isagenix shakes, snacks and post work out stuff.
Funny enough, I was so worried about my food, I forgot every single one of my toiletries. They are hanging in a bag in my bathroom back home. You know... if I was camping... oh well. I'd pitch my contacts and wear my glasses. Wash my face with spring water and rub some grass on my teeth to get the goo off ( yep, been there, done that). This time, I freaked out. I had no contacts solution, or eye storage. No shampoo/conditioner, no toothbrush/toothpaste, no face products, no lotion, no shave stuff, no soap, no deodorant....no dice. My WONDERFUL AMAZING BOYFRIEND... took me at 9:30 at night to find a Walgreen's. I was a mess. I was angry at myself. I was mad at the money I had to spend. Needless to say, he tried his best to be positive and supportive.. I was a bear. I'm sorry Joseph! Thank you for putting up with that type A... gotta have it all perfect... side of me...
Anyway... I did manage to plan my long run for Saturday. However, taking advantage of sleeping in and not really looking at the temperature situation ahead of time, I was doomed.
9am and 70 degrees. Which feels like 90 when running. I was zapped and did not get my full distance in. Smh... Missouri hills and heat. 85% of the run was complete and I was toast.
I was thinking how nice breakfast would've been. I love breakfast food and have not had it in 3 weeks. By the time I got back from the overheated run, my first shake of the day was delightful. I was so full from the shake and totally satisfying.
Unfortunately, one of my lessons the past 17 hours was what I ate for dinner. My insides were angry and I have spent too much time in the toilet. I think the meal the night before was still seeking revenge too.
I actually have no desire to eat any food.. all I want to do is drink my shakes. Is this temporary or real?
I am determined to break this chain of eating too much. I KNOW it will be okay, soon, to eat smaller portions of sweet treats... DQ... custard.... cake... and I know I won't have those HUGE cravings. Shoot! I may not have them anymore!
One thing I never wanted.... was to lose weight and inches too quickly. It's not healthy and it doesn't last. I know some people really lose weight fast when they start eating healthy and exercise consistently. They are lucky.... It's never about the scale for me. It's about how I feel in my clothes and honestly, i'd like to look in the mirror, naked and feel good. I have lots of scars and my speckles bother me. Two of which, I really can do nothing about.. but I can feel good when I look at myself. I WILL feel good!!! I also realize I really wasn't all that bad before.. but I wasn't all good either.
Down about 9 pounds and several inches ( not time to measure and weigh again!!) I am satisfied with the progress and I am not disappointed that I have a few struggles. What I do know, is that I am trying and I feel so much better for trying.
You gotta get mad at yourself. You have to find the best LIFE CHANGE for yourself and make it work. I don't think anything worth doing comes easy. I believe the good things come with hard work and determination, perseverance and believe in self. I am always trying to be be more patient and this journey is really helping me with my patience... in ALL areas.
I had a simple salad- black olives, sprinkle of cheese and a couple of porcini peppers .... with a red wine vinaigrette, and a few pieces of cheese. I did not have a lot of choices near me, vegetarian friendly....I am amazed at how full and how easy it is to feel full these days. Epic!
Day 20....
Like McDonalds... I deserve a break today.
Ah, Mothers day.... The worst day of the year. Sorry if that upsets you to hear. I keep hoping that one of these years, I'd have the nice day that most of my mom friends have. You know, treated like a queen, never lift a finger, get giant flowers, breakfast and supper either made/or dining out.... and have the house clean ....The 18th year and still nothing. I have been divorced for 17 and dated a couple of meatheads that never acknowledged I was even a mother.... granted I have one child and she acknowledged I was her mother up until this year. This year seems to be the year a text message and a quick hug will get you a happy birthday and a happy mothers day. That's it. Apparently those days are now obsolete and I shouldn't expect it to be a world holiday... oops... today actually was... Thanks Hallmark.
So, I took myself to the over priced hotel breakfast buffet. I did pretty well. I didn't over stuff myself like I normally used to. I went for a plate of fruit first, then scrambled eggs, potatoes and onions and 1.5 pancake with a dribble of syrup. I have no idea where my calories were with that meal.
Dinning alone... the lovely server asked if I was a mom. I could barely get out yes. I don't know if I was shocked or disbelief that someone wanted to say something nice. She was a momma too.... and working on mothers day... now, who had it worse.. me or her? I'll go for her. Big tip for her!
My intention was to head back to KC and have my shakes the rest of the day... well... too much time alone in the car. I didn't have the munchies, like on Friday... but I decided to try one of my sample bars Isa lean bars in Nutty Cashew. Not something I would (personally) choose, but I knew it would be equivalent as a meal. It was quite filling and pretty tasty. No after taste and on the sweet side. Which was odd... I haven't really craved sweets in the last 20 days. I actually did not really prefer the "something sweet". SHOCKING!
While my daughter decided to "stop by" a few hours after I got home, I was going to stick with the plan and have a shake and snacks the rest of the day. I got so upset after scrolling through stupid Facebook, I decided to order take out. What I ate, extra bonus, dessert, white wine
So, I sat on my living room floor and watched Dead Pool.... fitting for the day.
I over indulged, due to emotion. Not surprising. Since that is the habit I am trying to break. I would like to think I chose a bit wisely. I didnt really enjoy the lighter fare from O.G. or the mousse cake. Of course the salad was delightful, as always. I can tell my palate has changed and my tastebuds are altered. So, I found this "day off" from my life style change was a good one. Kind of a checks and balance system.
Of course, I truly believe we should indulge periodically.. its natural and it keeps us from getting out of control.
Monday... day 21... have not decided if its a cleanse day or not.. stay tuned!
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